i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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