It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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