Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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