I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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