I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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