What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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