I just cut my nipple shaving
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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