The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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