I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
