i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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