i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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