i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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