Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
