I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
