Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize