how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
