M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
