i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
