why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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