I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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