He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
