Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just invented taco cereal.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
