tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
