And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
