I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
