well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
