Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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