My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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