cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
BRING THE BAGELS
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
