Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
