i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish i was in the wii world.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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