I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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