ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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