Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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