meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
