i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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