Someone shit on the floor
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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