Don't make out with my wife yet
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
