You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
