sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
