You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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