Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
