I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
