I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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