Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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