he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
