And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
