I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
