you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
