oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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