You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
