I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit