words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my liver is dry heaving
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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