just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
