It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
