This girl is more easily done than said...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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