Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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