i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
