Your dad touched me again.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
