can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
