I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
