hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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