did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize