Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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