Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
