So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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