so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
