Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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