i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
