Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Someone came in the potted fern
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
