Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
