Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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