you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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