Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
