I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
