I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
