She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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