I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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